Maturation is a damned thing. It's puzzling to me how some people can just float-- especially at this age. They wander aimlessly without a goal or ambition. In a few years, we're going to look back and think how exciting opportunities were and that the world was filled with possibilities. And indeed, it is. We just shut ourselves off, blinding ourselves with complacency.
People give me too much credit, and are somehow always more certain that I'll succeed than I am. Throughout the years, I think it has molded a false projection of confidence. This mixed with my inherent insecurities is a fundamental paradox of my being. At the end of the day, I realize that I haven't done anything worthwhile.
So what keeps me going? It's a fear of failure. Because I know that I've already cheated with the privileges that I was born into. I realize that each step that I take is on a red carpet laid by someone else's hard work. And despite the fictitious notion that I'm venturing off into uncharted territories, the fact is that I already had a head start. The game isn't fair, and it's only worse if you lose with an advantageous handicap.
The truth is, I'm just trying not to be the incompetent, pompous prince who fails to reach his father's greatness. The one who sucked on a golden tit the minute he was born. I refuse.
