What if your life looked like one straight, smooth road. The pavement gray and the scenery without splendor. And it just keeps going, and continues on until it reaches something resembling oblivion?
The saying is that every person is fighting their own battle. I've been thinking about how insignificant some events that were absolutely devastating to me while growing up now seem so mundane. Whether it is the time in fourth grade when my genius plan of forging my mother's signature to get out of doing homework for a month was finally exposed or the countless times where I felt inadequate due to failure-- they felt so real, and in so many ways they were. And I'm sure when I look back in a few years, the obstacles that appear detrimental in the present will look like child's play when I walk away unscathed, laughing. To me, the interesting thing is how these events seemed so very frightening and overwhelming at the time. With that said, I think it's important to realize that these battles, no matter how trivial they may seem to another person, may in fact be consequential to those affected. But if you flip this logic around, the result is that these battles may only be significant because of the definition that one assigns to them. Obviously, this theory can only be applied to a certain extent.
I've expressed my belief that these challenges in life mold our character and eventually define our personalities. But the fact is that sometimes we are hurt to point where a little part of us die inside. It's like the part of a fruit chewed by an insect that has fermented or the broken window on a freshly painted house-- tarnishes of an otherwise immaculate whole. And when we realize that we are bruised all over, self-defense mechanisms become activated. We build walls and erect (fuck you, I will use that word in a context other than a hard penis if I want to) barriers in order to hide... because it's easier to be numb than to feel.
I'm the type of person who believes that you have to go out there and get what you want in life; nothing you want will ever be handed to you. Half of the time, it is the squeeze that makes the juice that much sweeter anyway. If this means that I have to fight for what I want, so be it. In relation to people, while it's evident that no one is irreplaceable, what has to be decided is whether that person is worth being replaced in the first place.
I don't want my life to turn out like a convenient store.
Because when you settle for the instant ramen flavored by powdered broth, you miss the lobster tail dinners with the fine champagne. I want my life to meander to unexpected places, and I want to come out of it at the end of the day, saying "fuck yeah" with a bruised hip-- rocking chair, fireplace, scotch and all.
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